Just picked this up from yesterday's Science Daily, and it's so encouraging to me that I wanted to pass it along. Below, you'll find my own blog entry, which deals with -- surprise -- keeping things stable!
After Divorce, Stable Families Help Minimize Long-term Harm To Children
ScienceDaily (2008-05-08) -- For children of divorce, what happens after their parents split up may be just as important to their long-term well-being as the divorce itself. A new study found that children who lived in unstable family situations after their parents divorced fared much worse as adults on a variety of measures compared to children who had stable post-divorce family situations. ... > read full article
Business Travel: Cue the Guilt
I’m just back from a business trip, and am up to my ears in email and dirty laundry. And guilt.
My daughter’s dad and I have had plenty of practice at the fine art of negotiating schedule changes as coparents due to business travel. Usually, he’s been the one who needs to travel most, and I’m all too happy to get some extra parenting time with The Bean. To his credit, her dad’s been pretty sensitive to our daughter’s need for equal parenting time with both of us, and so he does a good job of making up lost time -- and keeping her life stable -- with extra days on the end of a weekend, or in some other fashion that keeps her schedule smooth and as seamless as possible. My husband “H” is a big road warrior, too, so it’s often just me and The Bean at home together. I tend to be the one with the more predictable, stable schedule.
This time, however, it was my turn to be on the road. Her dad and I ironed out everything from arranging alternative transportation to spotlighting Girl Scout meeting times in advance, and memorialized the changes in writing. I optimized my cell phone so I’d have good service abroad, and told The Bean and her dad to expect a call on certain evenings. I briefed The Bean on any changes to her schedule, and explained that although that it might be iffy for me to get through on occasion, I would certainly call. Everybody seemed to be cool about the plan.
Ha. So much for the best-laid plans. I had difficulty in calling her as often as I wanted to, becuause being at sea put a crimp in my ability to reach out and touch someone. When we spoke on the phone, she seemed downright chirpy, but then when I came home, another story emerged.
My absence took a bit of a toll on The Bean. She told me she’d done a fair amount of weeping before bed at night because she “missed me so much.” There was a lot of clinging and hugging, and there were some funky mood swings, too, in the days after we finally reconnected. I imagine that kids whose married parents travel also go through this but...this is my kid and I want her to feel good, dammit! She’s ok now, but she definitely went into Mommy Withdrawal. Cue the guilt! Cue the hair shirt! Am I overreacting? I’d sure like to do a better job next time.
Next week, though, I’ll do some homework. Obviously, I need to upgrade my skills to learn how to better navigate these waters. Oh, and there will be self-flagellation...talk about earning your stripes!
No comments:
Post a Comment